


Unpolished

by maximum_overboner



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Adult Humour, Gen, Slightly Sad, Truth or Dare, platonic shenanigans, slightly silly, two friends get very drunk and do stupid things together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 21:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11953071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maximum_overboner/pseuds/maximum_overboner
Summary: It's increasingly difficult to justify drinking wine and watching bad movies as 'training'.





	Unpolished

It had started off as a once a week obligation. That was what he was to her at first, an obligation.

Undyne would invite him to her home, or go to his depending on what was easiest at the time, then she would grit her teeth to get through humouring a persistent stranger for the sake of her own peace. Then, quite quickly, she came to realize that Papyrus was very charming. Not in the slimy way, it wasn’t deliberate, but he was earnest in all that he did and that sincerity blistered through in every endeavour, like a sunbeam. He would treat boiling pasta with fervour and the untamed, arrogant enthusiasm of a fist fight.  Eventually, over the course of a month, she looked forward to their time together, until she noticed they were hanging out beyond the ‘ULTRA SECRET TRAINING HOURS’. This appointment was actually intended to be a cooking lesson, but they had started chatting and now it was nearly midnight, sat on the couch with the television on. All it took was Papyrus breaking out the wine, the ‘FRIVOLOUS FRIEND-ACCESSORIES’ and for him to change into his flannel pyjamas for the night to go from ‘friendly’ to ‘ball-bustingly cosy’.

“I WATCHED A BUNCH OF ROMANTIC COMEDIES,” he said, slightly tipsy and pouring another glass, “AND ALL ANYONE EVER DOES IS GET DRUNK, COMPLAIN, AND THEN COMMIT CRIMES LIKE SPRINTING BY SECURITY AT AN AIRPORT TO PROVE THEMSELVES AS CAPABLE PARTNERS. I’M NOT INTERESTED IN THAT LAST PART, BUT THE FIRST TWO REALLY SPEAK TO ME!”

Undyne, never one to turn down free wine, nodded sagely. Papyrus was painting her nails. His brows were knit in thought, and from the way he was angling his jaw, Undyne thought he would be sticking his tongue out if he could. Despite his increasingly drunken state, the paint was even, and the coats smooth.

“It looks great,” she said, meaning it, “you’re really good at this.”

“NATURALLY.”

Undyne, also tipsy, blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Does this… Upset you, I guess?”

“UPSET ME?”

“Not having nails to paint.”

“OH, THAT’S NEVER STOPPED ME.”

He blotted the tips of his fingers with the red nail polish, then wiggled them. He looked dejected.

“THOUGH I WILL ADMIT, IT ISN’T QUITE THE SAME! I WORRY THAT INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE AN ON POINT FASHIONISTA I LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF… OBSESSIVE STRAWBERRY ENTHUSIAST.”

“But they’re the best fruit!”

“THEY ARE! BUT NOW ISN’T THE TIME FOR BERRY GUSTO. IT IS TIME FOR… FRIENDSHIP! WHICH IS LIKE A STRAWBERRY BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH VERY GOOD NOUNS. OTHER HAND, PLEASE.”

Undyne presented it. Papyrus squinted, then began to apply the polish. Undyne examined her hand, liking the look. Saturated red against the vibrant, dark blue of her skin.

“I never got into this stuff.”

“OH?”

“Yeah. Nothing against it, but I never had the time. I was always too busy doing sweet squats and bench-presses.”

“WHAT ABOUT SQUAT-PRESSES?”

“Of course! What is this, amateur hour? But this nail painting stuff… I can dig it!”

Papyrus looked thrilled, taking the time to glance up.

“EXCELLENT! BUT DON’T GO DIGGING ANYTHING, YOU’LL SMUDGE THEM.”

“How long does it take to dry?”

“... A WHILE.”

Undyne clicked her teeth, not renowned for her patience, and persevered. Papyrus continued, delighting in the idle chatter.

“I DID GET INTO MAKEUP! I BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE CONTOUR THINGS, WITH THE PUFFY BRUSH. ACCORDING TO THE LADIES I BOUGHT IT FROM IT FELL FROM THE SURFACE AND WAS ONLY ‘KINDA USED’ SO IT WAS A STEAL! UNFORTUNATELY, IT DIDN’T DO MUCH, YOU CAN’T HIGHLIGHT YOUR CHEEKBONES IF THEY MAKE UP ABOUT EIGHTY PERCENT OF YOUR FACE, SO I NEVER STUCK WITH IT.”

He tapped his chin in thought.

“I THINK I STILL HAVE THAT IN A DRAWER SOMEWHERE. I’M GOING TO BE FRANK, I DON’T KNOW WHAT COLOUR GOES WITH BLUE. SO YOU’LL EITHER LOOK RESPLENDENT OR LIKE YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF TERRIBLE DISEASE. BUT WE SHALL SEE!”

Undyne thought of fine powder making its way into her gills and shuddered. She declined, content with her painted talons. He finished up, doing a decent job in his mildly inebriated state.

“TA DA! GOOD JOB, ME. THANKS, ME. IT’S ONLY A FEW COATS SO IT WILL CHIP SOON, BUT I THINK IT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD! IT SUITS YOU.”

“Thanks, Papyrus.”

“YOU CAN TAKE THE BOTTLE HOME IF YOU WANT.”

Undyne blinked, caught off guard.

“Wait, seriously? Are you sure? I’ve heard this stuff is expensive. If this was scavenged from the dump this must have cost you an arm and a leg.”

He looked uneasy for a brief moment, not divulging the price.

“I DON’T MIND! YOU’RE MY FRIEND.”

Papyrus looked at his fingertips, wiggling them. He felt warm, and dozy.

“BESIDES, YOU’LL PUT IT TO BETTER USE! I HAVE OTHER POLISHES, ANYWAY,” he lied.

Friends. Undyne met his gaze with a soft, sincere smile, unused to such gestures.

“Thanks, buddy.”

Papyrus looked like he was going to cry. He cleared his throat, pretending his watering eyes was the result of a suppressed yawn and handed her the bottle. She rolled it in her hands, took off the lid and smelled the liquid, having never handled it before.

“DON’T DRINK IT.”

“Even a little?”

“NO DRINKING THE NAIL POLISH.”

“Aw, man.”

She drank some wine instead. Papyrus joined her, on the slippery slope to total drunkenness.

“UNDYNE?”

“Yeah?”

“DO I LOOK SCARY?”

Undyne gave him a reassuring pat on the back, nearly knocking him over.

“Totally!”

From his expression, it was clear he was hurt by this but appreciated the answer. Undyne floundered, remembering her priorities may not line up with his.

“... Scary-good! Yeah! That’s what I meant.”

Papyrus chuckled.

“WELL, I MAKE FLANNEL PYJAMAS LOOK GREAT! THAT WAS NEVER IN DOUBT. BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT TO SAY. YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SPARING MY FEELINGS. MY PEARLY FEATURES MIGHT MAKE ME LOOK DEWEY AND YOUTHFUL, BUT I’M A GROWN MAN!”

Undyne felt guilt twist in her stomach. Heroes didn’t lie and yet here she was, lying to preserve his feelings. It was like a compulsion. It wasn’t good, and it wasn’t healthy, but it was easy to indulge in. She couldn’t bring herself to scold Sans for coddling him, they would just exchange knowing, uneasy looks with one another in passing. Undyne was unsure about having the ‘honest questions’ hour line up with the ‘let’s get plastered and bullshit’ hour but partook in it anyway.

“Hey, Papyrus?”

“YES?”

“Why do you want into the Guard, if you don’t want to kill humans? We’re the frontline. It’s kind of the point! That’s the best bit!”

He winced visibly at ‘kill’, cementing Undyne’s refusal to let him join and her deceit. She moved her hair from her eyes, cursing when it caught on the fresh polish and smudged it. Papyrus grumbled, took her fingers, and set about repainting the nails with the doting attentiveness of a mother hen, a bottle of acetone nearby.

“WELL, I WANT TO BE RESPECTED! I WANT TO BE A MAN OF CLOUT, AND WITH MANY NAMES. ALL OF THEM ‘PAPYRUS’.”

“How come?”

He blinked.

“BECAUSE I DO! WHAT AN ODD QUESTION. BESIDES, I THINK IT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW… APPRECIATE ME.”

“I appreciate you! Sans does, too.”

He smiled, the alcohol allowing well-hidden vulnerabilities to bob to the surface.

“OUTSIDE OF FAMILY,” he admitted, “YOU’RE THE FIRST.”

They were quiet. Papyrus was struggling with her pinkie nail, the smallest. She felt the cool liquid pool on the skin of her finger just above the cuticle. He looked as if he was about to curse, stopped himself, settled on a ‘WHOOPS’, and then cleaned it once again.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“NO,” he said, bluntly.

“Oh. Uh… Where is Sans, anyway?”

“HE GOT A JOB AS A STAND-UP AT THE MTT RESORT. RUBBING SHOULDERS WITH CELEBRITIES… HE DOESN’T SEE IT AS WORK, WHICH MEANS HE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP AND DOES IT!”

The film, an MTT Brand Budget Blockbuster, had ended a few minutes ago. She had only just noticed. She thought of a topic to distract him.

“Hey, did you watch those human history DVD’s I sent a while back? Really fascinating stuff!”

“THE CARTOONS? UNDYNE, THEY WERE _EXTREMELY_ PORNOGRAPHIC.”

“Hey, it’s a documentary! Don’t get mad at me for what humans get up to! We have to know those fighting techniques off by heart in case they start doing that stuff!”

“I HOPE THEY DON’T…”

She cackled.

“I hope they do!”

He shuddered, from head to toe.

“PUTTING MOIST, GENITAL-BASED BATTLES OUT OF OUR MINDS, I’VE COME UP WITH A PLAN FOR ANY HUMAN SHENANIGANS THAT MAY TRANSPIRE THAT IS AS CONVOLUTED AND NONSENSICAL AS IT IS ABSOLUTE GENIUS!”

Undyne quirked a brow.

“FIRST OF ALL,” he said, having thought on this, “I CONSTRUCT A SERIES OF NOT-QUITE-BUT-ADJACENT-TO-DEATH TRAPS. THEN! TRAP ANY UNFORTUNATE HUMAN IN A PUZZLE. THE PUZZLE… OF MY CHARISMA. AND ALSO REAL PUZZLES, WITH SPIKES AND ELECTRICITY. AS TIME PASSES THEY WILL BECOME SO ENAMOURED WITH MY CALCIUM CHARMS THAT THEY WILL BE FORCED TO BEFRIEND ME, AND THINK ABOUT HOW GREAT I AM, AND ANY ILL INTENT WILL VANISH!”

“Then what?”

“I DON’T KNOW. FRIEND THINGS. MAYBE WE COULD EAT A MEAL TOGETHER, OR I'LL PERFORM MY DELIGHTFUL BOASTING SOLILOQUIES IN MY LIVING ROOM! MY HOMELY HOMILIES.”

Undyne pursed her lips. Papyrus caught this, but not quite what it meant.

“SAY, WHAT HAPPENS TO THE HUMANS THAT FALL DOWN, ANYWAY? I KNOW I HAVE TO DELIVER THEM TO ASGORE ONCE WE’VE HAD OUR MERRY FUN.”

Brutal murder.

“Oh, uh… He shows them around.”

“HE SHOWS THEM AROUND?”

“Yeah.”

“BUT BY THE TIME THEY GET THERE, THEY’LL HAVE SEEN MOST OF THE UNDERGROUND. THE NICE PARTS. THERE’S STILL THE CAPITAL, BUT…”

She looked severe.

“He shows them around _super hard.”_

“OH,” he chirped, “ALRIGHT THEN. IN ANY CASE, I STILL THINK YOU SHOULD LET ME JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD PROPERLY! LESSER DOG DID, AND HE HAD TO MISS THE LAST MEETING BECAUSE HE GOT HIS FACE STUCK IN A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER. AGAIN.”

“You are joining! You’re getting super cool, special training, remember!”

“I DO LIKE SCREAMING WILDLY AND SMASHING TOMATOES, AND THEN CLEANING IT UP AFTERWARDS, BUT I FEEL LIKE… MAYBE YOU AREN’T USING ME IN THE CORRECT WAY?”

“But you’re so good at cooking! This is all building up to something big, trust me.”

“I DON’T WANT TO DOUBT THAT THIS IS BUILDING UP TO SOMETHING BIG, BUT I CAN DEAD-LIFT FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS. I’M MORE THAN PHYSICALLY STRONG ENOUGH TO ENGAGE IN A CAMPAIGN OF AGGRESSIVE AND SUSTAINED FRIENDSHIP.”

“Look, it’s…”

Boy, she was bad at dealing with problems she couldn’t kick in half. She scratched the nape of her neck. He was still chattering away, and the noise forced her to respond.

“I know what I’m doing. You either take the training I give you, or none at all.”

Papyrus looked heartbroken. His face fell, and he slowly looked down to her painted hand, the one he was holding to keep her still. Even he knew this no longer counted as ‘training’.

“WE’D… STOP HANGING OUT?”

Undyne was quiet. She didn’t want to stop, but to correct him would mean admitting more than she was comfortable with.

“OH… WELL, I… I THINK I LIKE SPENDING TIME WITH YOU TOO MUCH TO, TO COMPROMISE--”

Blackmail, that's what heroes did! Blackmailing lonely, kind men instead of just being honest. She didn’t know what it was about him. She had lobbed enough spears in her time to know what ‘to the point’ meant, but she just… Couldn’t, she couldn’t do it to him, even knowing that all this was hurting him more. As quickly as his upset appeared, it left, but Undyne saw the darker look in his sockets, the one he masked with shouting. In his drunken state, he wasn’t able to hide it.

“I’M SORRY,” he said, making her feel a thousand times worse, “FOR DOUBTING YOU. I MUST HAVE FAITH IN A FRIEND. LIKE YOU HAVE FAITH IN ME.”

This was the closest she had come to crying in years.

He finished up her pinkie.

“Yeah,” was all she said.

The mood was morose. Papyrus mistook this for solemnity, the severity that came with the rare occasions he was truly honest, and set about lightening the mood at once.

“IN GOOD NEWS,” he chirped, “I HAVE MASTERED MY… SPECIAL ATTACK!”

She took her chance, wiping her sleeve against her slit nostrils.

“Huh? What’s it do?”

He baulked.

“I CAN’T DO THAT! I’M NOT GOING TO ATTACK YOU, IT WILL RUIN YOUR MANICURE.”

“Pfft,” she scoffed, “I could take you.”

“I'M NOT SAYING YOU COULDN’T,” he said, picking his words carefully, “WHAT I’M SAYING IS THAT YOUR FRUITY NAILS CAN’T.”

To humour her he summoned a small bone, then threw it at her head. It hit her painlessly with a ‘clunk’, then dissipated on her lap.

“THERE! CONSIDER YOURSELF BOPPED.”

“You got me good,” she admitted, “but bones aren’t that aerodynamic. Why not go for something different. Like spears!”

Papyrus looked appalled. He clutched his hand to his chest.  

“IT’S THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE! CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT A BONE-BASED ATTACK? I WOULD BE RUINED! A LAUGHING-STOCK! A SHAM SKELETON! LIKE THOSE ONES PEOPLE HANG UP AT HALLOWEEN. IT’S FEELS RIGHT FOR ME TO FLING FEMURS. WHAT ABOUT YOU, WHY SPEARS?”

Undyne clenched her fist. Her lip quivered in barely repressed rage, thinking of all the injustice in the world.

“When I was a child, I… I saw a man, by the river, catch a fish with a spear. And since then, I’ve sworn to take that power and use it for good.”

Papyrus waited for the rest.

“... THAT’S IT?”

“What do you mean, ‘that’s it’!”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT I EXPECTED. SOME BIG BATTLE, WITH LASERS AND ROCK MUSIC, BUT NOT SOME GUY CATCHING HIS DINNER.”

“It was unsettling! Imagine if you were walking along and you saw some random guy gnawing on a bone, how would you feel?”

Papyrus thought on this.

“... A LITTLE AROUSED?”

“Dude!”

“WELL, DON’T ASK QUESTIONS IF YOU DON’T WANT ANSWERS! AND YOUR FISH STORY IS DEEPLY TROUBLING, AND SORT OF HILARIOUS. I’M SORRY FOR BRINGING UP A PAINFUL MEMORY.”

She rubbed the nape of her neck.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Undyne stood up and stretched, popping her bones and flexing her gills with a yawn. She had imposed enough and didn’t want to overstay her welcome.

“This has been fun, but I--”

Papyrus scrambled to his feet.

“WHAT ABOUT A GAME! A STANDARD AT ALL SLEEPOVER OCCASIONS.”

She blinked, looking up at him.

“This is a sleepover?”

“OH! RIGHT. UNDYNE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY HERE TONIGHT? I CAN FLUFF THE COUCH PILLOWS.”

“Hell yeah!”

“SPLENDID! TRUTH OR DARE?”

“Double hell yeah!”

“YOUR CONSTANT CURSING SHOWS… YOUR ENTHUSIASM!! SO I CAN FORGIVE IT. I GO FIRST! HMM… LET’S SEE. I COULD CAJOLE YOU INTO REVEALING YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SECRETS… OR DARE YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING UNCONSCIONABLE! THE ONLY WINNER IN THIS GAME WOULD BE ME. PAPYRUS. UNTIL IT’S YOUR TURN. BUT UNTIL THEN… WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?”

“Dare.”

He looked devious. It was so foreign that Undyne had to resist the urge to laugh at his expression.

“I DARE YOU TO _SIT DOWN.”_

She did.

“WITH NO HESITATION! YOU HAVE PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE, I SEE. TO CONTEND WITH A MASTER… MY WILL MUST BE RESOLUTE. HAVE AT ME!”

“Dare you to sit down.”

He did.

“YOU KNOW, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO COME UP WITH YOUR OWN. TRUTH OR DARE?”

“Truth.”

He leaned forward, rubbing his hands in roguish delight.

“ARE THERE ANY _SAUCY DAMES_ YOU HAVE YOUR EYE ON?”

Undyne looked, for a brief moment, _coy_. Papyrus could hardly believe his empty sockets.

“OH MY GOD, THERE IS! YOU’VE REELED SOMEONE IN WITH YOUR FISHY CHARMS! WHO IS SHE? DO I KNOW HER?”

“You already had your go, it’s my turn now! I was actually gonna ask you the same thing.”

“IT’S RUDE TO PRY, UNDYNE.”

“But you just did! It’s too late now, Papyrus. You gotta commit! Truth or dare?”

“TRUTH.”

“Anyone special pounding your pelvis?”

He nearly spat out his drink.

“DON’T SAY IT LIKE THAT,” he laughed.

“Well, I dunno what you guys have got going on! What, is there a… Skeleton term I don’t know? Bones, who’s rattling your bones?”

“BETTER, BUT STILL AWFUL. AND NO, NOT REALLY. BUT THINKING ON IT… DOES FAWNING OVER A CELEBRITY COUNT?”

“Mettaton?”

“METTATON,” he gushed, “SO MANY ANGLES! SO MANY SIDES! WHAT TEMPTING SECRETS DO THEY HOLD!”

“He’s shaped like a box, dude.”

“ALL THE MORE REASON TO SEE WHAT’S INSIDE HIM!”

Undyne looked at him, jaw open. Papyrus, realizing what he had just said, clamped his hand to his mouth, appalled at himself.

“... IN THE METAPHORICAL SENSE, OF COURSE, I DIDN’T JUST-- DIDN’T JUST BLURT OUT SOMETHING EXTREMELY GRAPHIC FOR THE FUN OF IT.”

“Oh my God, you so did.”

“I DIDN’T!”

“You did!”

“BLAME THE WINE FOR THAT THING I JUST DIDN’T DO!”

“Pap--”

“MY TURN!”

“Y--”

“MY TURN, MY TURN, TRUTH OR DARE?”

“Dare.”

There was that impish glee again, now tinted with burning shame.

“THERE’S A BOTTLE OF HOT SAUCE IN THE CUPBOARD IN THE KITCHEN, THE ONE CLOSEST TO THE DOOR. I DARE YOU…”

He tittered with nefarious glee.

“TO PUT A DROP ON YOUR TONGUE!”

Unwavering, she stood up, marched to the kitchen, returned with the bottle grasped in her hand like a spear. She unscrewed the lid, threw it against the ground and chugged. Papyrus’ puckish amusement turned to horror.

“UNDYNE! NO! NO, UNDYNE!”

She ignored him, knocking back the red liquid with the gusto of a pint. She downed the bottle, tears welling in her eyes, her nose snotty, her voice rasping.

“You call that hot,” she wheezed.

“UNDYNE, OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! THERE’S MILK IN THE FRIDGE, LET ME--”

Undyne, now frantic with competitive spirit, pointed her finger at Papyrus with the gusto of an anime character, with such earnestness that she was able to pull it off.

“Truth or dare!”

“DARE.”

_“You drink the milk!”_

“UNDYNE--”

“That’s an order!”

Papyrus, helplessly swept up in her boisterous nature, fetched the milk and pounded a glass back as if it were whisky.

“IS IT A DARE IF THIS IS SOMETHING I REALLY ENJOY DOING.”

“Yeah!”

“TRUTH OR DARE?”

Undyne could barely speak at this point, having vastly overestimated her heat tolerance. She was in too far to admit it, as stubborn as she was.

“Dare!”

Papyrus blurted out the first thing that came to mind, whipped up like meringues.

“I DARE YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU’VE NEVER DONE BEFORE!”

Undyne paused, considering this. There were many things she had never done before. Seen the surface. Go to the beach. And before tonight; have her nails painted by a friend. She didn’t want to sully the boisterous mood they had fostered, not after their somberness earlier, so she thought to her magic once again.

“One thing I’ve always wanted to try is that fire magic. I think it’s a royal family thing? I dunno if we--”

“UNDYNE, THAT SOUNDS LIKE SELF-DOUBT; START A FIRE IMMEDIATELY.”

“You think we can?”

“I THINK WE SHOULDN’T. BUT I ALSO THINK A LOT OF THINGS, AT A LOT OF DIFFERENT TIMES DURING THE DAY, AND SOMETIMES BEING COOL MEANS NOT THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING EVER. I’LL TRY TOO!”

Undyne looked to her friend, both of them caught in a feedback loop of self-belief and bone-shaking enthusiasm, exerting both a positive and a profoundly negative influence on one another.

“Yeah! Consequences are for nerds!”

“WE CAN DO IT!”

“We can do it!”

“I’M NOT A NERD!”

“Debatable!”

“I VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP!”

“Same!”

 

* * *

 

Sans sipped his drink. He wasn’t one for lounges, but the resort was too swanky to pass up, and he always had a story to tell when he left. It wasn’t Grillby’s, but it was fine. He was chatting idly with a few audience members, winding down after the show. A good crowd, a good set, and a good night.

His phone rang.

Finishing his drink, he answered it.

“oh hey, papyrus, what’s up--?”

“NOTHING!”

Sans held the receiver to his face.

“... you called me because nothing is up?”

“YES.”

“are you lisping?”

“NO,” Papyrus lisped, missing a tooth, “UM. I’M HERE WITH UNDYNE.”

“right.”

“AND, UM. THE HOUSE IS--”

“uh huh.”

“THE HOUSE IS A LITTLE ON FIRE, SANS. PEOPLE ARE GATHERING AND I’M EMBARRASSED. I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE SEEING ME IN MY PYJAMAS, AND ALSO MY LIFE IS DESTROYED. I MAY HAVE ALSO BROKEN MY WRIST.”

“what’s… a ‘little on fire’?”

“‘IN ABSOLUTE TOTALITY’.”

“oh boy, uh… what is it with your friend and fires?”

“SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE THEM. THEY JUST SEEM TO FOLLOW HER FROM PLACE TO PLACE. IT’S LIKE SHE HAS AN INCENDIARY STALKER.”

“shit, dude, i’ll be there in a second. you hurt yourself, you ok?”

“OH THE INJURIES HAPPENED BEFOREHAND, WE GOT TOO WORKED UP AND STARTED SCREAM-WRESTLING. I BROKE UNDYNE’S ANKLE.”

“as long as your life isn’t in danger, that’s… i can deal with this. our house, our stuff, your action figures, none of it matters unless you’re safe--”

Papyrus let out a howl of primal anguish.

_“OH TITS, MY ACTION FIGURES! I-- OH NO-- THE METTATON ONE HAS REAL CHOPPING ACTION, THAT CAN PROBABLY CHOP ITS WAY TO SAFETY--”_

He continued on. Sans rubbed his temple.

“D-DON’T WORRY SANS, UNDYNE IS FIGHTING THE FIRE-- FOR GOD’S SAKES, NOT WITH YOUR FISTS, _NOT WITH YOUR FISTS!”_


End file.
